"All for One and None for me!"

 As I had yesterday off work I was able to travel down to Sittingbourne and put on a game for "Milton Hundreds Wargames Club " (MHWC). I had put on a game of "Three Musketeers" for them before and as they enjoyed it last time I repeated the trick again. In this write up of the nights activities expect a few "in-jokes" several unsavoury activities (mostly by Alan) a little bit of swearing (mostly by Andy) a couple of stern looks (mostly by Mark) and a natural victim..... hellos Steve! One player who had booked in for the game failed to show and he shall hence forth be known as "Vivianne!" (In Joke No:1 I won't label the rest). Having mentioned all the players above with myself as the ref just to balance the sides I had best define the sides, Alan and Mark were Cardinals guards with an appetite for the unsavoury, while Andy and Steve were Musketeers and on the whole rather more wholesome! It is also fair to say that Mark supplied the buildings (purchased from a German company, he did tell me the name but memory like a sieve I have of course forgotten it. I supplied the figures and between Mark and myself we supplied all the fixtures and fittings. The rules are a free download (CLICK HERE). They are very simple a huge amount of fun and worth a go if you want to kill an hour or two without having to think too hard. If you have ever tried those rules you will know just how hard it would be to write any kind of accurate AAR simply because each figure will carry out several things in each turn and Turns can move very quickly!


Steve started the game and entered the building and started climbing some crates to reach the chandelier. Before Steve reached the top of the crates Mark through a large box at him and knocked him off. He then jumped off of the balcony onto Steve's stomach  and tried to "duel" the prone Steve. Andy interceded by throwing first one barrel and then another at Mark and then jump onto the table but then failed to convincingly Attack Mark. Alan ran the length of the board and stopped at the market stalls out side and selected an earthenware jug failed his action roll stopped there giving other players a combination look of "Life's not fair" "I hate dice" "just you wait until I can get involved" All that took about 7 minutes of real time and as we played for 3 1/2 hours you might imagine how long and detailed an AAR might become. Therefore I will condense it just to highlights.


Andy took the first wound from Alan's swordplay just a scratch and nothing to worry about.

There were several barrel throwing competitions among all the players at various times throughout the night.

Steve threw a pie from the market stall outside the building hit Alan's character in what amounted to a critical and took one of his 3 wounds. (Alan got miffed). Each character only had three wounds and as a house rule every wound they loose reduces there combat score by one.

Mark spent two turns "fluffing" His feather. Surprisingly this was not a euphemism. And cleaning his Tabard.

Steve tried to pull Marks Tabard over his head to temporarily blind him.

Alan swung from the chandeliers and attempted to kick people as he spun in a circle. Which lead to the phase of the Night (From Andy) "So there is enough room to swing a c*nt!"

Andy (who speaks French) hurled some cutting insults so severe that he was able to stun Mark and make him drop his weapon. Andy was also the first to die so we restarted him at the edge of the board and carried on. Life in musketeer town is harsh and cheap.

Being temporarily all on his own Alan and Mark decided to pick on Steve. There was much talk of capturing him and taking him to the cellar and chaining him to some kind of torture device (although they did claim it was a "Gimp Machine", ) Steve did die but took Alan out about the same time. So they restarted.

Lots more barrel throwing from Mark and Andy. Alan stent a turn "Pouncing about on the street corner" (yes that was his declared action. ) while Steve selected some rotten tomatoes from the market stall ready to use as missile weapons.

Andy Jumped onto a table and mark picked up a bench and tried to swat him off. He did make contact but not with sufficient power to affect Andy. Andy then kicked the bench out of Marks hands.

Alan decided that his character was going to sexually assault Steve with the market vegetables. Fortunately he was unsuccessful as that is not the kind of game I would choose to referee! Alan was known from then on as "the Radish man!" And trust me he has put me of turnips and sweedes for the next few weeks. In fact any kind of root vegetable! I am so glad there were no model marrows about!

Time started to draw near  but not before Alan carried the afore mentioned bench up the stairs ready to play "Piñata" with the figure (sorry cant remember who exactly) that had failed critically when trying to swing from the chandelier and had their cloak tangled and could not get free for a turn.

Mark tragically failed to leap from the balcony this time and again his cloak tangled him and also left him suspended. When he freed himself He died by Andy's sword having first been stunned by Steve.

Just a couple more turns and we finished. A side splitting game and both loud and boisterous but not all in the best possible taste! Again the second outing for these rules at this club and a very similar result with regard to the volume and laughter. It's definitely not the game you think of among wargamers, not at all stuffy and well mannered. No grand tactics and well thought out moves, no quiet decorum, no contemplation.

Thanks for Reading and I promise some painting next time.

All the best Clint




EDIT: Another report of the game here http://leofwinewargamerson.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/all-for-oneand-turnip-for-steve.html (Alan's point of view, Alan is MHWC President.)